The golf curse

It was the world’s most expensive golf course, and the most dangerous, and it went roughly like this:

Hole one. Bunkers, two. Water hazards, two.

Hole two. Miles of fairway, six. Zeppelins, six.

Hole three. Large cliff, one.

Hole four. Mines, innumerable.

Hole five. Tigers.

Hole six. Vacuum.

Hole seven. Gateaux, Black Forest: fifty-three.

Hole eight. Hole.

Hole nine. Big hole.

Hole ten. Black hole.

Hole eleven. Knitting needles.

Hole twelve. Tigers, peckish.

Hole thirteen. Frigate.

Hole fourteen. Pigeons.

Hole fifteen. Here be dragons.

Hole sixteen. Unpasteurised cheese.

Hole seventeen. Tigers, hungry, cross.

Hole eighteen. No tigers to be seen.

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The curse

There was a mountain, and on it sat a girl.

The mountain reached all the way up to the clouds. It was said that anyone who stood on the top of the mountain could see everything.

But the girl did not want to see everything, not quite, and so she did not stand, but instead sat, on the mountain. The mist and the fog and the clouds blew around her and everything was covered in dew. Grass, rocks, trees, blossom – all were dampened, except the girl, because she was a princess and the dew knew and would not touch her.